Cormorants is a members’ club and we really need some more OFFICIALS, TIMEKEEPERS and ASSISTANT COACHES. As a Swim England official you have (among other things) the power of arrest and imprisonment over anyone who, for example, doesn’t touch the wall with both hands when swimming breaststroke. Qualified timekeepers are able to refute Einstein’s theory of special relativity, by proving to swimmers that while they thought their 400 freestyle took quarter of an hour, it was measurably only actually 6:15.09, wherever you were standing on poolside. If either of these superpowers appeals, please have a chat with Nicki. We’d also like to recruit and train more assistant coaches: you don’t get superpowers, but there is a T-shirt. If helping on poolside, thereby bringing enlightenment to the lives of the nation’s aquatic youth, has ever appealed, please speak to Kerrin, Darren or Paul.

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